When I was in high school, I always wanted to do something that separated myself from others. I wanted to be interesting, somehow, some way. As I approached the end of my time in high school, I'd also made the decision to go into meteorology, and I wanted to move away from home, the only one I had lived in since I was 3. It was time, I thought, to move on. In the end, all of those goals came together, and uniquely, I was the only member of my high school class to go to Purdue University, three states away, to get my meteorology degree.
I was one of the first of my friends to leave for college, going down there in mid-August. By the beginning of September, I had been down there long enough to get to my first college exam, but not long enough, as yet, to make any real close friends. Still, I knew those friends would come, and I didn't regret my decision to go to Purdue.
My first exam was scheduled for Tuesday evening. I only had one class on Tuesdays, a review class that I intended to skip and study all day for the test instead, after making sure I was well rested. That Tuesday morning, my roommate's friend called, and woke me up. My roommate was already at class, so his friend, Jon, told me instead. In his words, there were "planes crashing everywhere, into the World Trade Center, The Pentagon, one somewhere in Pennsylvania."
Three weeks into adulthood, 9/11 happened.
My dad was still working with the FAA at the time. I tried him first on the room's ground phone, but good luck getting a hold of the FAA on that day. I called home to no answer. My mom was working as a child psychologist in the local school district. It turned out my dad was off that day, and was golfing. He shot the best round of his life that day, and still has the ball, scrawled with the date and his score. It's in poor taste, of course, but fortunately out of the eyes of most visitors.
My mom had a cell phone, so I tried that, but the cell networks were overwhelmed. I tried to call my aunt and uncle, whose numbers I actually knew, and left a frantic message on their answering machine that nobody has ever spoken of, and I have never heard. Everyone was terrified that day,
So then, I finally turned on the TV, and sat . there mesmerized, all day, alone. My roommate came back, sat in our inflatable chair, and watched for a bit with me, then went to go be with his friends. I don't know when I finally talked to my family, but I think it was days later.
The test wasn't cancelled. It was in the Elliott Hall of Music, and I'm sure there were space issues. We all went in and took, for many of us, our first college exam. We were all zombies. There was no nervous energy, just mourning ahead of this test. I failed it. I'm surprised some people didn't.
The next day, they did have a vigil for those lost in the tragedy the morning before, in the same facility I had my test the night before. I made an effort to go, but there was no room when we arrived. Classes were not suspended at Purdue as they were at many other campuses. At a communications class the next morning, the teacher asked if anyone wanted to talk about the day before. I think some people spoke up, but not many did.
My department faculty advisor called me when the grade on my test came back, and wanted to make sure I was adjusting to college OK. My test had been on Tuesday, I explained. "Oh. Yeah."
I was going to meet some friends that weekend who attended Notre Dame or St. Mary's and were all coming to West Lafayette to watch the Purdue Notre Dame game scheduled for the weekend. It was one of the few things at Purdue that was cancelled. I don't think I've spoken to any of those friends since then.
So that's how dealt with one of the worst days in American history. Alone and with very little structural support.
9/11 is such a visceral, terrible factor in everyone's lives. There are so many people in New York and Washington who endured the terror of tangible danger, and those that lost someone close on that day. The direction of the country was forever changed, and there is a direct line from 9/11/2001 to 9/11/2021, even how we stand divided and unable to wrap our hands around the ongoing crises of our time. Many families sent sons and daughters to war, or were impacted financially by subsequent economic strife.
But everyone has a personal story, and everyone has their own personal trauma. I still am accustomed to dealing with negative emotions on my own. Even today, 20 years later, I can feel the ache of loneliness that I felt 20 years ago. Frightened of a world that was bigger than I ever imagined.
We all dealt with something that day. Most of us are still dealing with some of it. Today, even as my kids are driving me nuts, I will make sure to hug them a little bit tighter.
